Turning Negatives into Positives: the Green in the Grey

Firstly, I made a few alterations to the Hiking Hadrian poem, changing words so that I didn’t use the same colours and the word ‘mountains’ in both halves of the poem.

I was sat at the computer yesterday when the afternoon turned from predominantly green to grey, as low cloud descended and the rain poured down. While it was not an ideal August day, I thought it was a good afternoon to be working and it inspired a bit of a poem. I wrote a free form poem at first, and then adapted it to a Folding Mirror for here and today’s NaiSaiKu Challenge; full poem available for free on request.

The poem uses the day’s weather as a metaphor for my (bipolar?) personality, which is hopefully a sign of my developing poetry skills, as I haven’t used much metaphor before. I thank those who’ve contributed here and in Tips for Writers (etips autumn issue available from Norfolk poets link to the side now), Every Day Poets, the NaiSaiKu Challenge, Poetry Monthly International and other poetry publications for providing the experience and stimulus to advance as a poet.

Poem Explanation

The poem is hopefully explained above.

Poem Structure

I did away with the strict words per line mirroring for once, and settled for the line lengths mirroring instead. The outer lines have 8 and 4 words, but the inner ones do mirror with 5 each.

The punctuation doesn’t mirror exactly either, with a comma on the inner line at the top, and outer line at the bottom.

The Poem

Self-portrait in a Wet Summer Day

on sunny days I shine like an emerald:
bright and sparkling, morning herald.

But grey mist clouds can form quickly

pouring rain obscures my sometimes
verdant appearance, afternoon grievance.


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5 thoughts on “Turning Negatives into Positives: the Green in the Grey”

  1. This could be the landscape that surrounds me, especially at this time of year.
    Daytime bright sunshine becomes afternoon gloom most days during the rainy season.
    But it’s worth it for the harvest.

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