Hi, it’s Greenygrey. The Australian weekend is well under way, and that means it’s time for another instalment of Oz’s favourite Great Novel comedy-fantasy travel quest, all in the best possible taste. Here you are then, you lucky possums. Not yet, Dame Edna!
20. MEERKATS-MONOTHEISTS MIX MAKES MAD MORNING
I had just about absorbed all that information, when another human dropped from the sky in a Porcelain pod. I hoped it wasn’t more trouble; I’d had enough for one day!
The human burst out singing: ‘Hallelujah, I am Mildly Monotheistic Moby (MiMo Moby), and I’m Feeling So Real. I know Everything Was Wrong Here, but now that the Sky Has Broken and the Grey descended, the Monotonous Monotheists must Go, and matters return to magic for the meerkats of Meekatharra.’
When I heard him say Monotonous Monotheists in the plural my heart sank; either he’d messed up his lines or there was more than one.
Wizard of Oz First Witch Meeting Scene
It wasn’t long before my fears were realised. I heard a monotonous murmuring sound coming from somewhere, and it grew louder with every second. The meerkats dived for cover, and Bonzo covered his ears. When the orator came into view I saw it looked like the human I’d landed on. It approached us.
‘Ah, Monotonous Monotheist of the East (MoMo East), I thought you might arrive soon,’ said MiMo Moby.
So there was another one; my heart sank deeper than before. The meerkats were nowhere to be seen, and Bonzo belted out the blues.
‘Aah, hah,’ MoMo East ranted, ‘you might have stopped my Western twin from controlling your lives, but I am the stronger of the two, and I will wreak rampant revenge upon your sinning souls, just you wait and see, aah, hah!’
As it stopped cackling it sprang towards its twin’s head, but MiMo Moby somehow transported an emerald cork hat from the MoMo West’s head onto my bonce before the MoMo East could reach it.
MoMo East turned with a look of hellfire on its face.
MiMo Moby took no pity, shouting, ‘Go, you have no power in Meekatharra.’
MoMo East cackled out another rant and repeated the threat before vanishing as quickly as it had appeared.
Before also leaving, MiMo congratulated the meerkats on their liberation, and told Bonzo and me, ‘You have done a good deed here today, and should now follow the dust sandy path. The path will be difficult, and full of tests, but will ultimately lead you to the Great Dame of Oz. She should help you complete your epic rambling quest. Take great care of the hat, as it is very precious and has magical powers that will be useful on the dust sandy path. It must not fall into the wrong hands. Let it rest peacefully on your bonce, for there is more than you can imagine resting on it.’
Cork hats are traditional Aussie bush headgear.
bonce – slang for head.
Moby and songs: Porcelain, Hallelujah, Feeling So Real, Everything Is Wrong, Sky Has Broken, Go.
Wicked Witch of the East (character in Wizard of Oz).