Hi, it’s Greenygrey. It’s definitely time for the first episode of Werewolf of Oz: Fantasy Travel by Google Maps of the week, as it’s Friday. As sunny weather dominates the U.K. and people think more about having a drink, it could also be good timing, as this episode is all about the morning after meeting a very nice Australian institution: Victoria Bitter.
Victoria Bitter is more commonly known as VB, and is popular outside Victoria too. We recommend enjoying a beer, but drinking responsibly, unlike our Ozysseyians, who are feeling a bit worse for wear. Here’s the completely literary nonsense Geelong hangover poem episode, told in the first werewolf (stories are usually told in the first, second or third person in the human world) by Grey:
73. MEETING THEE VB IS AN UNFORGETTABLE EXPERIENCEY
So Long Geelong, Thee VB Ode Memories
Waking up in Tin Can Alley
overlooking Metal Valley
I wondered where we were
the previous night a blur
Angry had a bruised head
Bonzo was painted red
Elle’s hair was all a mess
Cathy looked like Queen Bess
I was lying across the yard
like an outdated discard
then Cathy recounted the night before
how we’d all danced around the floor
after meeting a fine Victorian beer
VB was our friend for life but not without fear
for it could taste so delicious on a hot day
that your mind and body would lose their way.
Tin Can Alley and Metal Valley are fictional. VB is real.
Hi, it’s Martin ‘Werewolfie’ Adams, sports correspondent at the Greenygrey. The killers of Lee Rigby continue to be called lone wolves, even though it’s becoming increasingly clear they were not acting alone; adding to the fact that there were two of them anyway!
If anyone was a lone wolf it was Lee Rigby, who was alone and defenceless against humans with lots of weapons.
Although this is trivial compared to Rigby’s loss, we believe we must try and lift gloom to spirit at the Greenygrey, and using humour is one way.
Wolf Epithets are Usually Used Negatively
Wolf epithets are usually used negatively in modern monotheistic society, whereas in pagan societies they were considered an honour to be achieved.
She-wolves for competitive women is another one; as used by Helen Castor in a book about queens who fought for power; adapted to a BBC history series. Some strong ambitious women might hopefully look on it as a positive epithet though?
The same is true for lone-wolf. It could be used positively or negatively, but is usually used negatively; most often in terrorism cases these days it seems.
It could also be used for sportspeople, such as boxers and athletes, who have to train alone for long periods, and then try to outlast their opponents; as wolves often hunt by endurance.
At the Greenygrey we like the wolf boxers rather than than the gazelles; and in athletics we like runners who lead from the front, reminiscent of endurance wolves rather than cheetah sprinters (we like gazelles and cheetahs too!).
Carl Froch proved himself worthy of wolfdom last night when he wore down his opponent Mikkel Kessler, fighting more like a wolf than his original epithet of cobra. Kessler had won their first meeting in Denmark, and both fighters put on another great fight.
We particularly like Froch at the Greenygrey, because he looks quite wolflike, with his big eyes and big nose; like our ol’ pal Marc Latham. He also fights like a brave wolf, and diligently trains to keep himself at wolflike endurance.
We therefore bestow on Carl Froch the first Greenygrey honourable lone wolf name: Canis Froch. The scientific name for a wolf is canis lupus.
We also consider Amir Khan worthy of wolfdom, after doing Britain proud in the Athens 2004 Olympics, and having some great boxing battles in his professional career; and having a big nose. We bestow on him the honourable lone wolf name Amir Canis.
For women worthy of wolfdom we must move to the sport of athletics, although Nicola Adams proved she had the potential to be a great she-lone-wolf at the London 2012 Olympics.
Paula Radcliffe never managed to win Olympic gold, but was a great runner who won the World Championships and broke the world record several times. She also liked to lead from the front, wearing her opponents down with lone wolf endurance from early in a race. We bestow on her the honourable lone wolf name of Paula Radcanis.
And last but not least, Kelly Holmes liked to lead from the front going into the home straight, reminiscent of Cathy leading from the front as the Werewolf of Ozzers enter the final straight of their epic Ozyssey. We bestow on her the honourable lone wolf name of Kelly Dens.
This episode sees the travelling quintent heading north-east, on the final straight of their epic Ozyssey. Hopefully it contains lots of laughs, as Fawlty Towers returns to the script, and Angry Bonzo / Dandelion Cordial (AB/DC) get a surprise gig.
A literary nonsense poem leads into episodes with some of my favourite poems of the whole book… but for now, here’s a cool episode full of music and mirth:
72. ANGRY BONZO ROCK GEELONG WITH WERE SONG
We headed inland from Port Fairy as the sun rose to illuminate it; making the port and sea look magical. After that, we careered through Kirkstall; hurtled past Hawkesdale, and then sped down to Simpson. I thought our ol’ friends the Simpsons might be there, but there was no sign of them. It was quite a relief that Bart wasn’t there! Cathy upped the pace along the south coast, and her spirit seemed to rise a little with each step.
Maintaining speed to Torquay,
caused frazzled fatiguey
so we stopped for tea
at the hotel Fawlty.
The Fawlty reminded me of the Hotel Tazmania, which had reminded me of Fawlty Towers. The owner seemed quite confused when I asked for a Werewolf salad; not seeming to know how to make one. I told him it was similar to a Waldorf salad, and he seemed to remember making one of those before. We enjoyed the south coast snack.
Geelong is GGood for a Sing-Song
Our bellies full, we headed north-east to Geelong. The name ‘Geelong’ reminded me of Green and me when we are together, because our initials are a sort of long Gee: a GG.
We called in a rock bar called Geelong Goodbye for dinner, as it advertised that Muse was playing there that night. We wolfed down a big meal in time for the band, but they didn’t appear as scheduled. A couple of hours passed, with the crowd waiting patiently. Then it was announced that Muse had phoned saying they were being sucked into a Supermassive Black Hole, so they weren’t going to be able to make it; they were sending their apologies as the line went dead.
I could relate to their predicament after my space flight over to Oz; I’d had a couple of near misses myself.
Angry said the band not turning up meant he wasn’t going to be amused.
I was worried he was going to start raging, and asked him to remain cool if possible, but then he pointed out it was a joke: Muse, amused. I saw the funny side then and laughed… with a mixture of humour and relief.
It turned out to be a blessing in disguise in the end; Muse’s cancellation, not Angry’s joke; because Angry and Bonzo volunteered their services, and then played a tasty first performance as Angry Bonzo / Dandelion Cordial.
The crowd lapped up the bluesy rock beats, and one song was inspired by my recent werewolf poem. The chorus went something like this:
Beware of wereies?
Wereies cuss berries?
The most precocious of wereies?
No! Be cautious of berries.
When the Geelong Goodbye closed, we called in a nearby pub called the Duck and Drake for a nightcap.
Fawlty Towers was set in Torquay, England, and there is also a Torquay, Victoria; but it doesn’t have a Fawlty as far as the author knows.
In Fawlty Towers’s Waldorf Salad episode (season 2/episode 3, 1979) Basil struggles to make a requested Waldorf salad.
Muse and song (Supermassive Black Hole). Christopher McCandless died after eating berries while living in the wild; Jon Krakauer adapted his journal for the Into the Wild book.
This episode introduces Cathy a little more, while this book’s version of the Wizard of Oz‘s good witch character, Mildly Monotheistic Moby, leaves the story for the time being… with an a-were-ness warning…
71. WEREWOLF POETRY AS TRAVELLERS LEAVE SHIRE
MiMo recovered well. Nursing MiMo also seemed to stimulate Cathy’s spirit.
MiMo said he believed we’d won a major victory in our Ozyssey, and that we were now entering the final straight. That was good news, as I was already missing Green.
I thought Cathy would be a great asset to our team, so I asked her if she would join us. I was delighted that she agreed without much hesitation.
It was soon time to leave Port Fairy and say farewell to our mild friend. MiMo reminded me to stay aware, as more dangers lay ahead. He patted my head through the emerald cork hat as he said goodbye; my hat seemed to warm; before flying off in his porcelain pod.
MiMo’s final words inspired another of my rambling poems, and I’d like to share it with you to bring the curtain down on this chapter:
We’re Were Aware
Be aware where you are
Be a were wherever you are
Be a were and aware
Be aware you’re a were.
Marc Latham’s new Folding Mirror poem celebrates the joys of the spring season, when memories of cold winter lose dominance to hopes for warm summer, and new life emerges into the heat of a greening world. For long-living species like ours it is an annual cycle, but for some it lasts for just a few hours of our day; a time when they frantically follow their instincts, trying to make good of their life for their species, unburdened by distractions… although other life forms might try and eat them! It’s all of joy and interest to us anyway. Here’s the poem:
Abundant Life, Lives Absolutely
sunrise of the year
should be spring
spins life cycle
open sky fuels life, nourished by faraway sun
birds and bees
making the most
of their natural time
Hi, it’s Harry Silhouetteof-Wolfhowlingonhill, television correspondent at the Greenygrey. Hot off the press news from a just taken place Dan BrownBBC Breakfast interview. It’s a serious blog post though, so if you expect and need my usual attempts at comedy to brighten a Monday morning I’d advise leaving now; the same goes for devout/delusional believers in monotheistic religions, which still means the vast majority of the world, cutting our readership and sales opportunities down somewhat, but again suggesting that we blog what we really think, rather than what we think will sell.
Talking about his new Inferno book, Dan Brown explained that it is about Dante’s Middle-ages epic poem, which after conducting strenuous research, Brown discovered has created our modern version of Hell. It had only been alluded to before that.
Brown’s book twists Dante’s Hell into prophecy rather than commentary, with our planet’s overpopulation spiralling our planet into a Hell on Earth.
Earth, Environment and Hell
I don’t know if Brown’s Hell on Earth will come true; I’d probably be accused of being an environmental extremist if I said I thought it likely to happen.
Today’s Earth might seem like Hell to somebody of a few centuries ago, when nature was in balance and animal life plentiful.
A hellish Earth certainly seems to be coming true for many animals and species, but they don’t really count under monotheism, which proclaims them as mere servants and products for humanity, rather than our close cousins and sharers of most DNA as in evolutionary science.
We don’t believe in monotheistic religion, therefore we don’t believe in the Devil and Hell, which are part of the scripts, so please don’t accuse us of being Devil-worshippers, or being on the ‘dark-side’, because we don’t believe in a Devil, seeing as there is clear historical evidence to prove that it was created out of old pagan deities: as Dante’s Hell was created; the Wizard of Oz was created; and Greenygrey’s Rambles was created.
Dante’s Hell might have been useful as a Middle-Ages control mechanism, but the monotheistic religions usually provided a get-out clause, with men given dominion over women and animals, to treat them as they wished; and the fallen forgiven as long as they repented/converted.
Modern monotheistic religion still provides a guide to many people, and is practised properly by some people, but to many it is just used as an excuse for power and preferential treatment.
People who put other people through Hell on Earth suddenly remember their godly ways when caught out, and demand preferential treatment in line with their until-then-forgotten religious beliefs; playing the human rights card that they only believe in for themselves; sure in the belief that their God will be pleased with them, and provide a wonderful afterlife… not caring about the life they leave behind on Earth.
Hi, it’s Jack Wolfpac, legendary travel correspondent at the Greenygrey. I’m delighted to see that my human parallel Jack Kerouac was mentioned in Marc Latham’s new WordPress blog website Travel 25 Years‘s About page.
Marc is blogging photos and some background information and description from his twenty-five years of travelling, after just completing his anniversary tour.
He is blogging it back from his most recent journey, so started with his flight into Haugesund, western Norway, homeland of the Vikings. The city is about three or four hours south of Bergen by ferry, or a bus journey that includes a ferry trip.
A Site for Reading and Publishing Folding Mirror and Related Poetry