Reports that Australia is changing the Queensland capital’s name from Brisbane to Kevsbane after Kevin Pietersen said nobody had heard of it outside Australia before the first Ashes test (and well after the momentous Battle of Bri’s bane) may never surface into the human world.
We think it would be a shame anyway, now that everybody must finally know about Brisbane!
Ashes Series Nearly Burnt Out
Hi, it’s Martin ‘Werewolfie’ Adams, satirical comedy sports correspondent at the Greenygrey, with a wacky pitch-side report from the Waca, Perth, Western Australia; WA where the WoO all began; before the latest episode of the Werewolf of Oz begins.
Yes, the Ashes series could be all over tomorrow (later today in human Oz), with England and Wales needing to bat out the day to have a chance of drawing the series. Australia are 2-0 up, and in the ascendancy in the third test.
So we thought we’d rush this week’s (not the This Week featured in yesterday’s episode!) first thrilling episode of Werewolf of Oz: Fantasy Travel by Google Maps out today.
Brisbane, Brisbane So Good They Named it Bri’s Bane
I hope you like the headline’s little pastiche of the New York, New York song. Yes, in this thrilling episode you will not only get to know Brisbane, but also some of its coolest named neighbourhoods.
I think it provides the perfect warm-up for the cricket’s tense situation, as Emily the Emerald Cork Hat and Brian the Baggy Green lead the Werewolf of Ozzers and COG on the final march to battle with Bri’s bane.
Chapter 132. The Climb to Bri’s Bane Greenslopes without Ropes
Three hours after leaving Chinchilla we received word that a rock fall had blocked the tunnel. Colin and Ollie were informed, and soon raced ahead to clear the way. Their colliering skills meant we surfaced at The Gap gap on schedule. The sun was reaching its apex as the COG led us into the daylight of our destiny. I had faded to grey, and felt comfortable that way.
Emily and Brian led the COG commandos at the head of our line; I had never seen such courage from a pair of hats. Although they shone with a golden hue when first meeting again, nobody could accuse them of being yella in a cowardly way.
Talking of yellow, I was missing Emily not being on my head, with the scorching sun sizzling my sight and cooking my cranium! It was a relief when we reached some tree cover.
We covertly met a covert of coots in the Mount Coot-Tha forest, and they escorted us easterly to rendezvous with a python called Pilly; it showed us a short-cut through a secret door at Indooroopilly.
Arriving at Greenslopes for the Battle of Bri’s bane
Emerging through the outdoor, a river lay below us. Churchilla said it was Bri’s bane’s main defensive line. I couldn’t imagine how all the furry little chinchillas were going to cross the river. I was in for another nice surprise.
When we arrived at the river I saw that more of my West Coast friends were in it: Winona, Walter, Wendy, William and Dweezil whale sharks; and Dolly the Dolphin. Moreover, there was also a ship moored there that seemed to ooze decorum amongst all the bedlam. I should have guessed who was skippering it, but I hadn’t seen him for a few months.
‘Hello, Grey, my ol’ matey, how’s it going?’ roared a voice from the deck. It was none other than our ol’ skipper, Captain Dec O’ Rum. I told him I was doing fine, and it was great to see him, before asking where Dai ‘on the Seas’ was. Dec said Dai’d sailed in with him the previous day, but had gone into town looking for wine and women, and hadn’t returned yet.
It was a magnificent morale booster to see them all again, and a renewed confidence surged through me. After introductions and hugs they helped us cross the river.
Although it was a relief that we’d all traversed the water safely, arriving on the other side felt like being on the sharp end of a double-edged sword; because we were now at the foot of Greenslopes, with battalions of Bri’s bane protecting the peak.
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Notes
The Gap is a Brisbane suburb; as is Indooroopilly.
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