Luis Suarez Biting Theory and Satirical Comedy

While the debate and inquest into the Luis Suarez bite on Giorgio Chiellini in the World Cup 2014 game between Uruguay and Italy dominates the human sporting media we can confirm that Suarez is absolutely not a werewolf.

We can also put forward a theory that Suarez bites instead of punches, and offer possible reasons for his unusual actions.

Luis Suarez not a Werewolf

Hi, it’s Martin ‘Werewolfie’ Adams with a satirical comedy sports round-up virtually from Brazil.

Suarez showed no signs of the stereotypical werewolf change before biting Chiellini, and it was not a full moon last night. He could be a vampire who has learnt to live in daylight as well as dark, although that also looks unlikely, as he didn’t try to drink any blood.

Bad Research

English: Player photo, made during the friendl...
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Bad researchers not knowing much about Suarez, and his previous two cases of biting, might put it down to jealousy, with the Uruguayan star player envious of Chiellini’s handsome Romanic looks.

Others might put it down to the heat of the moment, or a provocative act to try and get the opposing player sent off when they react, but his first biting incident for Ajax v P.S.V. was after the final whistle had blown.

With the Ivanovic incident, while playing for Liverpool v Chelsea, Suarez didn’t seem to claim he’d been hit by Ivanovic; maybe he would have done if Ivanovic had swung an arm more.

Suarez did seem to claim being hit by Chiellini when he swung an arm to push Suarez away in yesterday’s game.

Suarez Bites Instead of Punching

Although Suarez has been in lots of trouble on the football field, with three biting incidents and a racism allegation, we can’t remember him having an actual fight; and throwing punches.

We don’t know if Suarez thinks he is more likely to get away with a bite than a punch, or that a bite is more effective, or if he is actually trying to provoke the other player into a reaction, or if he just enjoys biting.

We can say in a good research way, from the evidence we have, that Suarez bites rather than punching.

Suarez is considered one of football’s biggest geniuses using a ball, and maybe it is that part of the brain that allows him to see things other players don’t, that also makes him interact with other players in a way that other players don’t.

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