Hi, it’s Martin ‘Werewolfie’ Adams with a satirical comedy sports round-up.
We thought about having a photo of Monty Panesar doing the boomerang in the second Ashes test, but after the Aussies were called racist for doing a Monty Panesar Sikh Tellytubbies skit we decided against.
However, if we then only include ‘white’ people, we could be accused of being racist in that way.
So, we have decided not to cover the second Ashes test, which the Australians won in Adelaide, home of AusRuIcket, to take a 2-0 lead.
The second Ashes test
more Oz east than west
gets under way
in less than a day
in the Adelaide Oval
where Grey found opal
before Arishes invention The Old Gum Tree
all Werewolfers did see.
Hi, it’s Martin ‘Werewolfie’ Adams, satirical comedy sports correspondent inspired by darts legend Martin ‘Wolfie’ Adams.
Yes, The Old Gum Tree was about all the Werewolf of Ozzers saw when they passed through Adelaide a long time ago; how long is difficult to tell, after a timequake sent them hurtling in the direction of Theold Gumtree, expert in timetravelicity.
Then they discovered AusRuIcket, something like a combination of Aussie Rules and cricket probably inspired by J.K. Rowling‘s Harry Potter quidditch; played between teams of Crows and Redbacks, like the Aussie Rules and cricket teams in that locality.
And about fourteen hours from now, the Ashes returns to Adelaide for the second test, with the Aussies 1-0 up after the Brisbane boomeranging. I’m sure England and Wales will want to bounce back.
Werewolf of Oz Green Light
We don’t know what’s going to happen in the Ashes second test, but we do know what’s going to happen in the Werewolf of Ozzers’ ultimate test, as they approach Bri’s bane.
Have you guessed what Bri’s bane is yet? We didn’t have a clue until they passed through Hat Head and reached Emerald Beach. Then we had an idea. There’s more clues in this episode, which mixes flashbacks, contemplative review, repetition and progression.
Chapter 128. Welcome to the Jungle: Emerald Forest Beach
I grew ever more apprehensive as we neared Emerald Beach; because my last few experiences of green hadn’t worked out well.
There was our terrible episode with Smiggin Holes, Lord of the Green; the green ray I’d seen before our awful Swan Lake experience; and then we couldn’t get past Green Point after being boomeranged from Boomerang Beach.
I thought Green would probably have had much better luck at those places, and maybe I just wasn’t cut out for this epic rambling lark.
My emerald cork hat almost dragged me onto Emerald Beach; it seemed to be growing in strength, and I now felt like it was wearing me more than the other way around!
I took it off to have a look at it, and was shocked to find I could only see its corks.
I put it back on and it pulled toward a crag jutting out of the cliff at the far side of the beach. I looked back at the others, who seemed to share my curiosity. Moreover,
out of the corner of my eye,
in the seemingly faraway ocean,
I thought I saw a commotion,
and wondered what it could be.
It was difficult making our way through all the emerald; like struggling through dense jungle. But my hat was a good guide, and we soon reached the crag.
I thought that might be it, but the hat wanted to go farther; it led me around the edge of the cliff. The others followed. I thought I knew what my hat was up to when we turned the corner. Emerald Beach had a secret cave.
The secret cave is inspired by adventure books such as those in Robert Arthur Jr’s The Three Investigators series.
Hi, it’s Martin ‘Werewolfie’ Adams, satirical comedy sports correspondent at the Greenygrey, inspired by darts legend Martin ‘Wolfie’ Adams.
That means the cricketers will be travelling from Alice Springs to Adelaide; a journey made famous by Grey, Bonzo and Elle in Werewolf of Oz: Fantasy Travel by Google Maps over eleven magical episodes starting at 29.
Travelling Through Australia’s Centre
Yes, back then Bonzo was still with the party, while Angry and Cathy had not yet joined the quest.
Of course, the England and Wales cricket team arrived in Alice Springs from Brisbane on the Australian east coast, while the Werewolf of Ozzers arrived there from Darwin on the Oz north coast.
When our ol’ pal Marc Latham was in Australia back in 1989 he travelled down to Alice Springs from Cairns, north of Brisbane. He then travelled north to Darwin, never visiting Adelaide and Melbourne in the south.
Travelling Alice Springs to Adelaide
While in Alice Springs, I wonder if the England and Wales cricket team will meet Alice as Grey and the travel questers did, or go to the Uluru/Ayer’s Rock Oo-loo-roo Air’s Rock Great Gig in the Sky festival with Wally and the macropods.
Maybe they’ll travel on the Ghan and miss out the Rainbow Valley, which are very different in the human and werewolf worlds.
In the Oz world the Ghan was a mysterious creature, and the Werewolf of Ozzers were lost for a time in the intoxicating colours of the Rainbow Valley.
I hope they travel south a little faster than the Werewolf of Ozzers, as the second test starts in Adelaide on December 5th.
It should be a great experience anyway, and we wish them luck.
Trott’s stress-related illness is long-term though, so wasn’t caused by the friendly pommie-bashing and exuberant boomeranging seen in some Aussie media outlets and sports grounds.
The second ashes test will be played in Adelaide, South Australia, home of the Arishes. South of Australia’s flag of course features a piping shrike, which was crucial to the Werewolf of Ozzers escaping from the Northern Territories into South Australia through the Rainbow Valley. Looking back at the flag now, it looks as if the shrike is boomeranging more than piping!
The Werewolf of Ozzers of course visited Adelaide during chapters 40-45. They didn’t spend much time in the human city though, after a timequake sent them crashing into a game between Redbacks and Crows like nothing they’d experience before.
Werewolf of Oz Australia East Coast
Anyway, back to the continuing journey. Having escaped the neverending boomeranging cycle of Boomerang Beach, the travel quest quartet continue their journey up the Oz east coast, with Brisbane only three episodes away… and the answer to the question all those who don’t know the story will have been asking… what’s Bri’s bane.
All will be revealed by the end of next week, but for now, here’s an episode that starts with literary nonsense poetry, and ends with bird-brained Port Macquarie wordplay. Enjoy!
Chapter 126. Swimming in a Woad Sea to Port Macquarie
Three red heads and a grey,
made their way,
to the bay.
Where the dust sandy road,
was lying overboard,
in a sea of woad.
Now raftless, we swam the dust sandy path, leading us north up the coast. It was good to be back on the ground, even if we were in the sea!
We were going to stop for a rest when we reached Crowdy Head, but a quick headcount suggested it was overcrowded. So we continued swimming through afternoon into evening.
Pour Macawry in Port Macquarie
When the bright lights of Port Macquarie lit up the western horizon we decided to call it a day. It’d been quite some swim, no nonsense.
After drying off we popped into a beachside establishment called Two Cans Irish Pub. We walked up to the bar and a toucan asked us what we’d like to drink.
I knew toucans advertise Guinness, so we all asked for a pint of it. It started pouring one, while holding another pint in its other wing; and asked a macaw standing farther down the bar to pour the other two.
The toucan and macaw had different styles of pouring, which could perhaps be called pour toucany and pour macawry.
This episode concludes the Adelaide AusRuIcket adventure, but it isn’t long before the travelling trio fall into another literary nonsense lark, before landing their feet on the dusty sandy path. But where is Theold Gumtree?
We commiserated with the Redbacks; they didn’t seem too disheartened, and the players sportingly clapped us off using all eight legs.
Going Downhill after Victory
After celebrating with our Crow teammates we changed back into our normal shapes and headed over to where we remembered Theold Gumtree had been. We walked in a jubilant mood, and Elle said she was glad to be back in her usual body. I thought that was a good sign, although she had been a beautiful bird. Our unbridled joy was short-lived however, and was soon to be replaced by pesky puzzlement.
As we approached
the remembered location
we reached a slope
we couldn’t recall,
and the decline was so steep
we began to fall.
We had to start running
to stay on our feet,
skidding and sliding
to an uneven beat.
I could stay upright no longer
and gave out a yell
as I fell
Then we both took out Angry,
and tumbled like puppets
all dingly and dangly.
Returning to Time
I thought we might not survive, such was the dive, but after a minute or three we began to slow down. Elle brought us to our final stop by grabbing us. I had to laugh when Bonzo turned around to me from under her right arm and declared: ‘She’s Got Balls!’
We had landed back on the dust sandy path. After dusting myself off I had a good look around, and saw there was a memorial to The Old Gum Tree where we remembered meeting Theold Gumtree.
The Old Gum Tree is the historic site of the proclamation of the colony of South Australia in 1836. She’s Got Balls (AC/DC song).
The ‘Tosh’ of the headline is slang for nonsense/rubbish by the way. There are some very important cup games today of course, and hopefully they’ll be even more exciting than this blog… although the blog is quite thrilling too.
This episode covers the first half of the Crows v Redbacks game that the travelling trio’s timesanity depends on, after they bet that Crows would win the game with Theold Gumtree, who holds their timedestiny in the balance.
Like the Greenygrey, the AusRuIcket game is made up of two halves. Here’s the first:
43. match of the day for finding our way
Wager laid, we rushed over to the pitch for the start of the game.
First Half is a Laugh… For a Redback Giraffe
After the game started, it was immediately plain to see, what a great spectacle it would be. There were thousands of Crows and Redbacks supporters cheering on their teams. The biggest contingent of Redbacks supporters seemed to be giraffes, while most Crows fans were llamas.
The Redbacks took an early lead when Redgrave buried the ball between the posts. They soon extended their lead through Reddin, inspiring a roar from the Redback end like nothing you’ve heard before. Just before half-time, Redburn seemed to fan the flames of our misfortune when it extended the Redbacks lead.
Grey Joins in with the Murder of Crows
I wondered if all was lost, but Bonzo thought he spotted a weakness in the Redbacks defence; suggesting they looked open to attack from above. He thought the Crows should use their aerial prowess, instead of trying to play it on the ground.
I saw the logic in Bonzo’s strategy, but couldn’t think of a way to put it into practise on the ground… and air! It was murder trying to formulate a plan for a collection of crows that looked rooted on the wrong side of a ruthless Redbacks streak.
The worry made me feel as sick as a parrot; but that negative was turned into a positive when it inspired me to remember my ability to shapeshift. I told the others I was off to join the Crows, before quickly changing into one. They wished me luck as I flapped for the field. Rather than feeling like a sick parrot, I now felt like I could fly over the moon. I hoped my elevated mood would lift the Crows, and once on the pitch:
I squawked my views on second-half play,
told them it was vital to our right of way,
before volunteering as Crow Grey,
to join the sporting fray.
They accepted my offer, and I lined up for the second-half.
The true story it tells of Margaret Humphreys uncovering mass child deportation from Britain to Commonwealth countries, where they suffered abuse, hardship and lies (told they were orphans etc) was the main social inspiration for the way the Werewolf of Oz was told. Grey did of course meet some victims in Latham, Western Australia.
Anyway, enough seriousness, here’s another crazy funny trip to Oz, with a couple of poems to up the pace and make up for time lost in the Rainbow Valley. There is a reference to being caged in the first poem, which could have been a late reference to Oranges and Sunshine.
40. OPAL THAT ESCAPED THE TRADE POINTS WAY TO ADELAIDE
We travelled west for what seemed like an age,
but it wasn’t like we were trapped in a cage,
the vast distances of the outback stretched out,
and we were totally free to go walkabout.
It was also nice to just sit back and relax,
observe stars dancing on water to the max,
as we passed Lake Cadibarrawirracanna,
the second longest official name in Oztralia.
We continued travelling south at quite a pace in the wide open space, and reached Quorn around midday. We had a magnificent meat substitute lunch there. Wesgrey, Jane and Barkatowt were so full they were going to sleep it off; but we wanted to get going, so we bade them farewell and thanked them for the lift before continuing on foot and paw.
Lost and Found, Time Spins Around
We couldn’t find the dust sandy path
and were going to visit Whyalla,
but we asked a few people directions,
and they didn’t seem to have a clear answer.
We were a little lost, but then saw a giant greenygrey coloured opal which must have escaped the opal trade. It seemed to be pointing in a certain direction, and my hat was shining, so we followed it. Lo and behold, we soon arrived in Adelaide. However, just as I felt our luck was changing for the better, a sudden timequake sent us hurtling into another dimension.
As we span toward an alien ground, I saw we were about to land next to a stadium where there was a weird looking game taking place; like a mixture of Australian rules and cricket merging into football. One team seemed to consist of crows, and the other redbacks. After landing and recovering our composure, we walked toward the stadium, meeting a cane toad along the way.
We approached the toad, and introduced ourselves. It reciprocated the pleasantries, introducing itself as Professor Theold Gumtree, expert in the field of timetravelicity. I told Theold about our in the wrong place at the wrong time predicament, and asked if he knew of a solution.
Gumtree thought for a moment, before saying, ‘If you can guess the winner of the AusRuIcket game I will be able to return you to your time; but if you are wrong there will be a costly forfeit.’