The direct humour of China’s Li Na, avoiding mock humbleness and grovelling thanks, although genuine humbleness and heartfelt thanks is nice, is more in line with the Greenygrey’s, as shown in her acceptance speech after winning the Australian Open last week:
It was described as the universally accepted best acceptance speech ever on Yahoo. Even the BBC commentator seemed to like it, although it would probably have been derided in the British media if made by a lower class British woman.
And would a British woman dare make such a speech, after being brainwashed with class, sexism, capitalism and religion from an early age.
Okay, Li Na did thank her agent for making her rich, which is pretty capitalist, and I’m not saying Chinese society is perfect. From the little I know about the modern China, it seems way behind the U.K. and Europe on animal welfare and the environment, although does well with pandas; and human rights often seem ignored too.
However, on gender equality it and other socialist heritage societies, such as in Scandinavia and eastern Europe, seem miles ahead.
As 2014 gets well under way you would be forgiven for forgetting all about the serialisation of what we think was 2013’s greatest satirical comedy werewolf travel quest across Australia serial: our very own Werewolf of Oz: Fantasy Travel by Google Maps(please look up ‘satire’ if you were offended by that!).
Ashes Over, Endeavour Everest Back for More
First of all we’d like to congratulate the Aussie cricket team for winning the Ashes series 5-0. The England and Wales team had won it three times in a row, so it was becoming a bit boring. Hopefully E&W will bounce back next series.
As the E&W Ashes win in Australia during 2010/11 is remembered in the Greenygrey world as the WoO series, as it took place when Grey was on its epic Ozyssey, this series will be remembered as the Boomerang Ashes, after the Aussies returned to form with their oldest secret weapon.
In the accompanying photo, Aussie series hero, Mitchell Johnson, is celebrating the Ashes win with the first recorded cricketing upside-down boomerang. The first photo showed Johnson in the more conventional boomerang pose.
The above was inspired by the 1932/33 Ashes being remembered as the Bodyline Ashes, because of the number of bouncers bowled by the Aussies.
Secondly, good news if you missed the third Endeavour: Everest episode featured on this blog last week, with a balloon ride over Everest from base camp at Gokyo, because it is back on the BBC iplayer until January 14th (only available in U.K. as far as we know).
Wizard of Oz and Alice in Wonderland
This episode of the Werewolf of Oz, the fifth from last, combines the two biggest influences on the book, Wizard of Oz and Alice in Wonderland, with the real Australian towns of Oakey, Dalby, Roma, Orion and Springsure between Brisbane and Emerald.
On the way, there is an emotional return to Chinchilla. Enjoy!
138. Following the Dust Sandy Path to Emerald
There was a succulent start to the journey, orienteering through an okay oak forest outside Oakey before devouring a delicious dal dinner in Dalby.
Chinchilla is a Killer… Emotionally
It was Chinchilla next, and I prepared myself for an emotional return. I was not disappointed, with chinchillas lining the streets of Chinchilla as we passed. I saw an old chinchilla rush out of the crowd and hug a COG member. When the COG soldier turned around I was delighted to see the name Cilla Chinchilla on her jacket.
Cilla had survived
and achieved her task.
Now I hoped
she’d have time to bask.
Roma, Orion and Spring
We roamed through Roma, before it turned dark over Orion; which was good timing, as there was a belting night sky there. Then it seemed like it was spring for sure in Springsure, as everything was green. It became evermore evergreen as we neared Emerald.
I asked Emily how everything was so green, and she said these were the Alician Fields. They are a natural wonderland for those who have turned the world upside down to improve it before returning it the right way up; where sparkling spring water irrigates the earth from underground, and the sun always shines above.
I thought nothing could equal the Alician Fields, but Emerald sparkled like the finest precious stone; the town and fields complemented each other like a jewel on silk.
Hats filled the air when Brian and Emily reached Emerald, and our leaders soon joined in with the hatrobatics.
The Elysian Fields of Greek mythology were a heavenly paradise for heroic warriors.
Oakey, Dalby, Roma, Orion and Springsure are real places.
The Ashes 2013/14 series has reached its final destination, and it will soon be time for the England and Wales cricket team to say their farewells and head home. The Werewolf of Ozzers are also reaching that point in our serialisation of their epic virtual travel quest to all regions of what is known as Australia in the human world.
Sydney Memories Emerald Future
Australia are in control of the fifth Ashes test in Sydney, while poetry seemed to take control of the Werewolf of Ozzers in Sydney, with Bronte and Greycliffe House inspiring some literary nonsense sublime rhymes.
This episode has final farewells to the friends made along the Oz way, before Emily the Emerald Cork Hat returns those that remain to the book’s Wizard of Oz-inspired final destination: as the Wizard of Ozzers reached their final destination in the Emerald City, the Werewolf of Ozzers end up in the real Australian town of Emerald.
Chapter 137. Saying Goodbye, and Finding a New Path
After everybody and everything had their bellies full of buns, Emily and Brian addressed us all; it was nice of them to give us a house.
They also said the locality would now be known as Brisbane, and the region would be called Queensland; in memory of those who had taken part in the battle. They ended by thanking us for freeing Brian from his bane.
The Army Disperses
It was then time to say goodbye to my old friends and comrades, as they departed for home. Captain Dec and Dai were taking Dig, Aus, Vombat and the Collies back to Western Australia, and the cetaceans were swimming that way too. There were of course lots of hugs, and that’s all I’m prepared to write here.
After they left, Emily asked us what we were doing next. I had seen the dust sandy path leading inland, but told Emily I didn’t know if we were still meant to follow it, now that she and Brian were reunited.
Emily said it looked like the dust sandy path was heading their way… to Emerald.
She invited us along,
and it felt right to go,
for in her I could see a glow;
she hadn’t been wrong yet!
We hope you had a merry Crimbo, and congratulations to Australia for winning the fourth Ashes test in Melbourne. You may remember that the Werewolf of Ozzers thought it was called Gillian Taylforth, until great teamwork by the body, spirit and mind found its real name and worked out it wasn’t named after Mel Gibson.
Werewolf of Oz Memories
This allowed the WoOs to tuck into some scrumptious Holly Valance bubble and squeak before they entered the weird time-travel rock town of Kerang-Kerrang. Bonzo decided to stay, and didn’t return for the Battle of Bri’s bane.
Many of the old characters from the trip did return though, and they have not finished their contribution to the tale yet. Today, we have the last part of the epic battle trilogy, with seven exciting chapters of comedy fantasy still to go after that.
Chapter 135. The Aftermath
Battle of Bri’s Bane Epic Trilogy Poem 3
I lay on the Greenslopes ground
watched by allies all around
Bri’s bane was no more
the acid rain cleansed from floor.
‘We knew not a wolf you would become,’
said Emily’s voice betraying concern,
‘for the bane was not only of Brian’s
but also of wolves and lions.’
‘So wolfsbane is inside you now
but maybe we can work out how
to make you healthy again
I’ll try counting to ten.’
Emily counted to eight
my mood improved to third-rate
on nine I sensed the right line
hearing ten I was fine.
I rose to join the others
my sisters and brothers
in arms and hats we had battled
and Bri’s Bane together tackled.
Hi, it’s Martin ‘Werewolfie’ Adams, satirical comedy sports correspondent at the Greenygrey.
Unfortunately Graeme Swann has announced his immediate retirement from all forms of cricket.
Swann is getting on in cricketing age, and has been out of form on the England and Wales Ashes tour, which the Aussies lead 3-0 (just realised that now won makes a nice palindrome… before then realising it was a mistake… but didn’t want to waste it!).
Swann becomes the second travelling casualty of the Ashes tour, after Jonathon Trott returned home due to mental health issues.
Werewolf of Oz Swan Lake Tragedy
Swann’s retirement is poignant for the Greenygrey, after the Werewolf of Oz featured a Swan Lake tragedy, with the loss of Kalbarri Barry and family in Swan Lake, N.S.W.
The 5th Ashes test will be in N.S.W., but before that, there’s the 4th test in Melbourne, Victoria.
Reports that Australia is changing the Queensland capital’s name from Brisbane to Kevsbane after Kevin Pietersen said nobody had heard of it outside Australia before the first Ashes test (and well after the momentous Battle of Bri’s bane) may never surface into the human world.
We think it would be a shame anyway, now that everybody must finally know about Brisbane!
Ashes Series Nearly Burnt Out
Hi, it’s Martin ‘Werewolfie’ Adams, satirical comedy sports correspondent at the Greenygrey, with a wacky pitch-side report from the Waca, Perth, Western Australia; WA where the WoO all began; before the latest episode of the Werewolf of Oz begins.
Yes, the Ashes series could be all over tomorrow (later today in human Oz), with England and Wales needing to bat out the day to have a chance of drawing the series. Australia are 2-0 up, and in the ascendancy in the third test.
Brisbane, Brisbane So Good They Named it Bri’s Bane
I hope you like the headline’s little pastiche of the New York, New York song. Yes, in this thrilling episode you will not only get to know Brisbane, but also some of its coolest named neighbourhoods.
I think it provides the perfect warm-up for the cricket’s tense situation, as Emily the Emerald Cork Hat and Brian the Baggy Green lead the Werewolf of Ozzers and COG on the final march to battle with Bri’s bane.
Chapter 132. The Climb to Bri’s Bane Greenslopes without Ropes
Three hours after leaving Chinchilla we received word that a rock fall had blocked the tunnel. Colin and Ollie were informed, and soon raced ahead to clear the way. Their colliering skills meant we surfaced at The Gap gap on schedule. The sun was reaching its apex as the COG led us into the daylight of our destiny. I had faded to grey, and felt comfortable that way.
Emily and Brian led the COG commandos at the head of our line; I had never seen such courage from a pair of hats. Although they shone with a golden hue when first meeting again, nobody could accuse them of being yella in a cowardly way.
Talking of yellow, I was missing Emily not being on my head, with the scorching sun sizzling my sight and cooking my cranium! It was a relief when we reached some tree cover.
We covertly met a covert of coots in the Mount Coot-Tha forest, and they escorted us easterly to rendezvous with a python called Pilly; it showed us a short-cut through a secret door at Indooroopilly.
Arriving at Greenslopes for the Battle of Bri’s bane
Emerging through the outdoor, a river lay below us. Churchilla said it was Bri’s bane’s main defensive line. I couldn’t imagine how all the furry little chinchillas were going to cross the river. I was in for another nice surprise.
When we arrived at the river I saw that more of my West Coast friends were in it: Winona, Walter, Wendy, William and Dweezil whale sharks; and Dolly the Dolphin. Moreover, there was also a ship moored there that seemed to ooze decorum amongst all the bedlam. I should have guessed who was skippering it, but I hadn’t seen him for a few months.
‘Hello, Grey, my ol’ matey, how’s it going?’ roared a voice from the deck. It was none other than our ol’ skipper, Captain Dec O’ Rum. I told him I was doing fine, and it was great to see him, before asking where Dai ‘on the Seas’ was. Dec said Dai’d sailed in with him the previous day, but had gone into town looking for wine and women, and hadn’t returned yet.
It was a magnificent morale booster to see them all again, and a renewed confidence surged through me. After introductions and hugs they helped us cross the river.
Although it was a relief that we’d all traversed the water safely, arriving on the other side felt like being on the sharp end of a double-edged sword; because we were now at the foot of Greenslopes, with battalions of Bri’s bane protecting the peak.
The Gap is a Brisbane suburb; as is Indooroopilly.
Hi, it’s Martin ‘Werewolfie’ Adams with a satirical comedy sports round-up.
We thought about having a photo of Monty Panesar doing the boomerang in the second Ashes test, but after the Aussies were called racist for doing a Monty Panesar Sikh Tellytubbies skit we decided against.
However, if we then only include ‘white’ people, we could be accused of being racist in that way.
So, we have decided not to cover the second Ashes test, which the Australians won in Adelaide, home of AusRuIcket, to take a 2-0 lead.
The second Ashes test
more Oz east than west
gets under way
in less than a day
in the Adelaide Oval
where Grey found opal
before Arishes invention The Old Gum Tree
all Werewolfers did see.
Hi, it’s Martin ‘Werewolfie’ Adams, satirical comedy sports correspondent inspired by darts legend Martin ‘Wolfie’ Adams.
Yes, The Old Gum Tree was about all the Werewolf of Ozzers saw when they passed through Adelaide a long time ago; how long is difficult to tell, after a timequake sent them hurtling in the direction of Theold Gumtree, expert in timetravelicity.
Then they discovered AusRuIcket, something like a combination of Aussie Rules and cricket probably inspired by J.K. Rowling‘s Harry Potter quidditch; played between teams of Crows and Redbacks, like the Aussie Rules and cricket teams in that locality.
And about fourteen hours from now, the Ashes returns to Adelaide for the second test, with the Aussies 1-0 up after the Brisbane boomeranging. I’m sure England and Wales will want to bounce back.
Werewolf of Oz Green Light
We don’t know what’s going to happen in the Ashes second test, but we do know what’s going to happen in the Werewolf of Ozzers’ ultimate test, as they approach Bri’s bane.
Have you guessed what Bri’s bane is yet? We didn’t have a clue until they passed through Hat Head and reached Emerald Beach. Then we had an idea. There’s more clues in this episode, which mixes flashbacks, contemplative review, repetition and progression.
Chapter 128. Welcome to the Jungle: Emerald Forest Beach
I grew ever more apprehensive as we neared Emerald Beach; because my last few experiences of green hadn’t worked out well.
There was our terrible episode with Smiggin Holes, Lord of the Green; the green ray I’d seen before our awful Swan Lake experience; and then we couldn’t get past Green Point after being boomeranged from Boomerang Beach.
I thought Green would probably have had much better luck at those places, and maybe I just wasn’t cut out for this epic rambling lark.
My emerald cork hat almost dragged me onto Emerald Beach; it seemed to be growing in strength, and I now felt like it was wearing me more than the other way around!
I took it off to have a look at it, and was shocked to find I could only see its corks.
I put it back on and it pulled toward a crag jutting out of the cliff at the far side of the beach. I looked back at the others, who seemed to share my curiosity. Moreover,
out of the corner of my eye,
in the seemingly faraway ocean,
I thought I saw a commotion,
and wondered what it could be.
It was difficult making our way through all the emerald; like struggling through dense jungle. But my hat was a good guide, and we soon reached the crag.
I thought that might be it, but the hat wanted to go farther; it led me around the edge of the cliff. The others followed. I thought I knew what my hat was up to when we turned the corner. Emerald Beach had a secret cave.
The secret cave is inspired by adventure books such as those in Robert Arthur Jr’s The Three Investigators series.
Hi, it’s Martin ‘Werewolfie’ Adams, satirical comedy sports correspondent at the Greenygrey, inspired by darts legend Martin ‘Wolfie’ Adams.
That means the cricketers will be travelling from Alice Springs to Adelaide; a journey made famous by Grey, Bonzo and Elle in Werewolf of Oz: Fantasy Travel by Google Maps over eleven magical episodes starting at 29.
Travelling Through Australia’s Centre
Yes, back then Bonzo was still with the party, while Angry and Cathy had not yet joined the quest.
Of course, the England and Wales cricket team arrived in Alice Springs from Brisbane on the Australian east coast, while the Werewolf of Ozzers arrived there from Darwin on the Oz north coast.
When our ol’ pal Marc Latham was in Australia back in 1989 he travelled down to Alice Springs from Cairns, north of Brisbane. He then travelled north to Darwin, never visiting Adelaide and Melbourne in the south.
Travelling Alice Springs to Adelaide
While in Alice Springs, I wonder if the England and Wales cricket team will meet Alice as Grey and the travel questers did, or go to the Uluru/Ayer’s Rock Oo-loo-roo Air’s Rock Great Gig in the Sky festival with Wally and the macropods.
Maybe they’ll travel on the Ghan and miss out the Rainbow Valley, which are very different in the human and werewolf worlds.
In the Oz world the Ghan was a mysterious creature, and the Werewolf of Ozzers were lost for a time in the intoxicating colours of the Rainbow Valley.
I hope they travel south a little faster than the Werewolf of Ozzers, as the second test starts in Adelaide on December 5th.
It should be a great experience anyway, and we wish them luck.
After Kevin Pietersen seemed to be taking on the role of Grey during the Battle of Bri’s Bane in the Werewolf of Oz: Fantasy Travel by Google Maps for the Ashes cricket first test in Brisbane, the Aussies have responded with the ‘boomerang’ to take a decisive lead after day two. The second part of the Boomerang Beach trilogy was of course also very frustrating for the Werewolf of Ozzers.
The ‘Boomerang’ Takes Off
Seemingly inspired by the boomeranging of Boomerang Beach holding up the travel quest quartet’s progress up the Australian east coast, the ‘boomerang’ seems to be all the rage in the land of the… boomerang.
The Tada Girls’s solo efforts featured in the last Werewolf of Oz episode seem to taken off in a way not seen at a sports ground since the ‘Mexican Wave’ circled stadiums and the world after the Mexico football World Cup in 1986.
Hi, it’s Greenygrey. As seen in the photo above, Australian players and fans celebrated each England and Wales cricket team‘s wicket falling by doing the ‘boomerang’.
So we thought we’d better post the last thrilling episode of the Boomerang Beach trilogy, bringing you almost in sight of Brisbane. Meanwhile, on Kangaroo Island, a little penguin told me that this year’s Arishes are also under way. This has been the Greenygrey. Enjoy the episode, the Arishes and Ashes.
Chapter 125. Yahoo Flight to the Left and Right
I screamed, ‘Thirtieth time lucky!’ as we left Boomerang Beach and headed north over Elizabeth Beach once more.
We flew the Lakes Way,
knowing its outlay,
like night and day.
Yahoo! over Yahoo Island
It was all systems go, as Elle decided it was time to act, and we were primed to respond. She chose the Booti Booti National Park to kick the plan into action, leaning as much to the left as possible. We all followed her over to that side.
We flew above and beyond Green Point, and seemed to have escaped the coastal cycle. We all exclaimed yahoo! over Yahoo Island. Green Point grew smaller every minute, and Boomerang Beach soon faded out of sight.
Wall in Gate Changes Our Plan
We were free-flying now, but just as we began to relax and enjoy the view, we saw a massive wall in a gigantic gate over Wallingat National Park. It would surely be the end of us if we crashed into it. Elle had seen the danger and jumped over to the right; we quickly followed. But was it too late?
We had stopped heading straight into the wall, and were now skirting it. Our chances of escape seemed finely balanced. We leant as much to the right as possible, while trying to push against the wall with our left arms. It was preventing our obliteration, but wasn’t winning our liberation. That is, until our flying fate was decided twenty minutes later, once and for all.
A tower jutted out of the wall further on, blocking our side-skirting path. We flew closer and closer to it, and all my strength and spirit seemed nearly spent. I could see nothing beyond the tower, and no way of avoiding it. We were facing a dead-end in more ways than one.
Then Elle asked if we were ready, nodding toward the right. We all looked at her with renewed hope, not needing more explanation, and said yes. We prepared ourselves. Elle gave one almighty push, and we gave it our best too; it seemed to be working, as we were sent free of the wall.
Then Elle leant to the right (it looks to the left in the photo, as everything is upside down, and often the wrong way around, in Oz!), and we followed her as the tower loomed.
It was just enough, as we swerved around the tower into clear sky, with only a second or three to spare. It had probably been Elle’s most outstanding use of her body yet.
Flying North-East, for a while at Least
We were flying in open air again, with no hazards in view. A north-easterly wind kept our direction and elevation steady. Maybe our luck was changing!
We turned past Tuncurry in a hurry, and went even faster over Forster. I was beginning to enjoy the flight.
I should have known it wouldn’t last. The wind dropped, and I got cramp in my rump;
I was like a dead-weight blowing in the breeze,
dragging the team down to the trees.
We descended at pace, and the next thing I knew we were crashing into the Ocean Dreaming Rainforest Resort on the edge of Red Head.
When we’d recovered our composure I noticed the others had red heads after the bumpy landing. They said mine was still grey.
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