Epic Poem Trilogy 1: Battle of Bri’s Bane Beginning

Nearly two years and 132 (short) chapters/episodes after Grey landed on the west coast of Oz all alone it finds itself in the middle of the east coast, where Brisbane in Australia is in the human world.

Hope and Glory 

bri (Photo credit: sethoscope)

After dozens of adventures and escapades it finds itself only ten chapters from the end, but it’s looking up at the full force of Bri’s bane.

However, there is hope, as it is part of the Hats of Hope army led by Emily the Emerald Cork Hat and Brian the Baggy Green (he’s the one with the bane).

South Park and Simpsons Inspiration 

Towelie from South Park holding a bong. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hi, it’s Greenygrey. While I’ve paid tribute to Monty Python recently, the Hats of Hope reminds me more of South Park, what with its life-giving characterisation of what are normally inanimate objects in the human world: such as Towelie (seen here in a greenygrey pose) and Mr. Hanky.

It also has a Mr. Hat of course, but it is not alive, although Mr. Garrison seems to think it is.

While we really liked South Park’s clever humour, and tried to emulate it, we kept the more personal and cutting edge aspects out of the Werewolf of Oz, and treated the celebrity guests nicer; more like The Simpsons in that regard.

Lord of the Rings and Hobbit Influence 

Anyway, here’s the first part of the Battle of Bri’s Bane poem trilogy, which contains some classic comedy, but is more epic travel quest inspired by Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit.

Bane (Photo credit: ElDave)

I should also mention that Batman: Dark Knight Rises was released during the writing of the book, and also features a Bane, which fitted together with the baggy green hat for the book’s end baddie hat nemesis. That Bane originated in DC Comics, and was played in the movie by Tom Hardy.

Have a serene Winter Solstice in the northern hemisphere, and a wonderful Summer Solstice in the southern hemisphere.

Chapter 133.  Ascending Greenslopes

Battle of Bri’s Bane Epic Trilogy Poem 1

Dead men tell no tales
only the competitive fails
in war there is no sport
to survivors the lesson is taught.

We had not long assembled
before Greenslopes trembled
as balls of fire landed at will
shot from high on Cannon Hill.

Our allies the Woolloongabba
met their Waterloo like Abba
falling in multiple millions
history’s cannon fodder minions.

The COG commandos led the counter-attack
up Greenslopes watching each other’s back
chinchillas, dogs, humans, wombats and hats
above us flew eagles, dolphins and bats.

Yes, I did say dolphins above us
for a spirit appeared without fuss
and I’m sure it was Kalbarri Barry
riding the sky waves with his family.

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Notes

Woolloongabba is a district of Brisbane.
Abba and song: Waterloo.

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Link for Amazon book and kindle.

Link for multiple Ereaders at Smashwords.

Literary Nonsense Werewolf of Oz Comedy Poem On Sales

Sales, sales, sales. We know the last thing you need when you’re cooking, watching a good television programme, or spending some quality time with loved ones is a sales call at the door or on the telephone. That’s why we don’t sell our books that way. We understand most salespeople are only doing their jobs, and many don’t like their jobs, and sometimes they do customers a favour by selling their wares to them.

Colorful Door (Photo credit: brentdanley)

Today’s episode of the Werewolf of Oz: Fantasy Travel by Google Maps features an epic poem story about how a salesman delivered a quality quote to the Werewolf of Ozzers now bursting with bubble and squeak.

78.  A PASSER-BY UNDER THE LITERARY NONSENSE SKY

The fabulous five outback travellers
were sitting on the grass dividers
after eating their fill of bubble and squeak,
when a passer-by did unto them speak.

‘I can tell you all you need to know
if you’ll just open your door
I promise not to induce a snore
my presentation is not a bore
it’s guaranteed to make you say cor!
and my jokes will raise many a haw-haw guffaw
it has not once started a war
or been considered against the law
all the donkeys have exclaimed e-oh
and most dogs have clapped at least one paw
the coldest ice maidens it did thaw
and even beavers stopped their gnaw
once I told it on the sea-shore
and the waves kept coming back for more
so what do you think my travelling four
are you ready for my rock n’ roar?’

The passer-by looked at us
after ending the recital syllabus.

I said I thought he was mistaken,
because there was no door,
and we were five,
not four.

The passer-by looked all shocked and awe,
before declaring me a talking door.

‘No,’ said I,
‘I’ve just eaten too much
bubble and squeak brunch,
and my body is now oblong.
So you are wrong; therefore, so long.’

Celebrating Chinese Year of the Snake with Beach Poem

Happy Chinese New Year of the Snake from a Wood Snake. There’s not much else to add, apart from it’s Werewolf of Oz: Fantasy Travel by Google Maps time; but there’s not much of that; just a solitary epic literary nonsense poem that doesn’t even get off the ground:

Beach sleeping. (Photo credit: N Lee Photography)

47.  PARADISE SUNRISE WAKES GREY TO NEW DAY 

Waking up in the sunrise haze
put me under a twilight daze
and I only remember it in poetry
so here’s my V Bay second day story.
Waking on settled sands
with the sunrise hands
hugging sea and spray
in warmth across Vivonne Bay
I just wanted to lay
there all the day
before remembering time
Bonzo, Elle and other half Lime.
So I got up slowly
because I still felt lowly
if I’d gone for a swim
and water’d filled to brim
I wouldn’t have felt wholly
because I’ve got a holey
or three in my head
to stop me feeling like lead
girl o boy I ain’t no buoy
sometimes I’m coy or koi
carping on about all things fishy
and telling Green how I miss ye.

Dawkins Saved Us from the Devil and the Deep Blue Doo

Hi, it’s Greenygrey. I was relieved that we chose Dawkins as the D of knowledge for the 3-D Greenygrey Y, as something was telling us to choose the Devil. Mind you, something else was telling us to choose Scooby Doo, so maybe it was all in our minds… Derren would think so…

Scooby-Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Werewolf of Oz on Amazon

Today we have the prologue of Werewolf of Oz: Fantasy Travel by Google Maps. It is free to download on Kindle again this Saturday and Sunday (May 5th and 6th) for Amazon Prime members. It reached the top 40 of the free downloads in its category during its last free weekend, so thanks to anybody who has taken an interest.

Grey didn’t have much time to write a prologue on the Werewolf of Oz blog, but it racked its brains for the book publication, as the first few pages are available to preview, and managed to remember its journey from the Greenygrey world to Oz, as well as a little ode about the book. Here it is:

Werewolf of Oz Free Prologue 

Let this be my epic
although I am sceptic
my mind I tried to raise
hoping for literary praise
I let the cats out of the bag
so the dogs’ tails would wag
I hope I wasn’t howling upon
the wrong tree of life moonsun
silverlining and goldlining barks
echoing experience of funny larks
meeting people in places across Oz
Y? A fantasy quest created my cause. 

1.  PROLOGUE 

Welcome everybody. It’s Grey Werewolf here. Regular readers of the Greenygrey will know me by now. For those who don’t, to cut a neverending story short, I’m one half of a legendary vegetarian werewolf. Green and I are the last of our Greenygrey kind as far as we know. We emerged into the human world while blogging our epic ramble across North America; before becoming Britain’s most celebritious werewolf. We are virtually legends in our own lifetime(s), which we think is (are) many centuries long.

We were divided after an evil force took over the Greenygrey world; Green was imprisoned and I was exiled to Oz.

Whizzing Earth’s space
I did race;
like Doctor Who’s Tardis,
through the northern
constellation of Camelopardus.

I think I passed through Cassiopeia
but to tell you the truth, it was all a blur;
it could well have been Andromeda.

Drifting through Ursa Major or Ursa Minor
I lost sight of the Great Wall of China
I recognised the three stars of Triangulum,
and felt a sense of equatorial equilibrium.

But then I saw another triangle
spinning my mind at an angle;
I asked ‘Dog Star’ Sirius
if it was aware of this?
It barked the name Triangulum Australe
adding I was now in the opposite locale.

When I saw the Southern Cross
I was no longer at a loss
I had read about constellation Crux
in some astronomical books.

I felt more at home in Chamaeleon
remembering my ability to chameleon
Norma was a lass, Hydrus a gas,
Mensa was a tester, Circinus a jester.

Into the atmosphere I whirled east to west
over the land of my looming test
I could make out the Great Barrier Reef
providing a valuable landmark brief
A long way from home I heard hound sound
whirled upside down I descended to ground.

It felt strange to be so far away from my Green other half, and I sure missed that limey lobo. Even though I didn’t choose my exile, I still hoped to enjoy myself and learn from my experiences, before one day being reunited with Green.

It turned out that I travelled to every state and territory in Oz; known to you as Australia; as Green and I did across North America. It was again quite an adventure. I met many famous people and creative products, and this time the story all came together in the end like pure fiction; unlike our American ramble, which read more like literary nonsense held together by acronyms until the very end.

I blogged the whole trip, and the chapters of this book are structured in line with the blogs. This prologue was the first of 142 blogs.

So, without further ado, and for you to view, here is my epic Ozyssey all edited for easy reading. It starts right at the beginning, when I landed all alone in the south of Western Australia.

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Notes

Camelopardus, Cassiopeia, Andromeda, Ursa Major, Ursa Minor and Triangulum are all northern sky constellations. Triangulum Australe, Crux, Chamaeleon, Norma, Hydrus, Mensa and Circinus are all southern sky constellations.
Doctor Who is a television series featuring a time-traveller. The time machine in the series is called a Tardis.

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