Hi, it’s Greenygrey. After all the seriousness and sombreness of the Remembrance weekend we remembered that it was about time we had another thrilling episode of your favourite classic epic comedy-fantasy travel-quest comedy-quest fantasy-travel epic classic Werewolf of Oz: Fantasy Travel by Google Maps.
After Elle joined Grey and Bonzo in the last episode, thinking she had body problems like the Scarecrow had brain problems inThe Wizard of Oz, the main event of this episode is a meeting with a legendary creature that may not be what it seems.
A combination of this blog and the last one featuring Derren Brown‘s latest television special reminded us of how important a belief in body, mind and spirit over supernatural forces is to our story.
We’ve also added a special extra reference to our favourite ex-pumpkin Marc Latham. Here it is:
We continued south into the baking heat. There was no life visible anywhere, and only the dust sandy path kept us going… for mile after mile.
Then I saw something move in the distance. As we neared it, I thought it was Marc Latham at first, but then realised it was a bunyip. I wondered what a bunyip was doing out in the desert, as they usually prefer swamps.
TheBunyipAsks Us to Play Ball
We stopped near the bunyip. Its breath wafted across the path, smelling like brontosaurus. At least it wasn’t brachiosaurus; that is the worst.
I asked what a bunyip was doing in the arid Oz outback, so far from soggy swamps. It looked at us with mischievous eyes, and ignored my question. Instead, it invited us to play a game. We were in no rush, and had become intrigued, so agreed.
The bunyip then proceeded to theatrically roll three different coloured balls onto a fold-out table: one was green, another red and the last was pink. It said there was a prize to go with each ball, and we could choose one each: the prizes were green dye; a house and a new body.
Discussion and Deliberation Leads to Decision
The three of us entered into a huddle, trying our best not to muddle. I said it seemed an inviting offer, and I’d really like some green dye to make myself look greenygrey again. Bonzo agreed, and said he’d like a house; somewhere comfortable for when he settles down. Elle was also in favour; she said she’d like a new body, as she’d lost all confidence in herself.
So we decided to play the game, thinking the green ball would be for the green dye prize; the red ball the house prize, and the pink ball the body prize.
We told the bunyip our choices, confident in our logic. The bunyip looked pleased with itself, laughing a big brontosaurus breath across the path. We knew why it felt smug when it announced that the green ball was for the family home; red was for the new body, and pink was for green dye.
I didn’t need a new home as I wanted to return to the Greenygrey world; Bonzo didn’t want a new body as it was happy being a Scottie, and Elle didn’t think being dyed green would improve her body image.
So we started to swap prizes amongst each other, but the bunyip quickly intervened. It said there was a forfeit for exchanging the prizes, and the cost for three swaps was a hat.
We only had the emerald cork hat. MiMo Moby said it had magical powers, but we hadn’t seen any yet. So I took the hat off and said, ‘Shine on you crazy emerald, or forever hold your peace.’
The hat started to glow, and then shone so much it was difficult to see anything amongst all the greenshine. But after a few seconds I could vaguely make out a figure appearing above. As the hat glow reduced in intensity I saw it was MiMo Moby arriving. MiMo quickly warned us that the bunyip was really the surviving MoMo, trying to tempt us into giving it the emerald cork hat with prizes it thought we couldn’t resist.
Once it saw its ruse had been rumbled, the bunyip quickly changed into the MoMo we’d seen at Meekatharra. It ranted at us once more before flying off.
Hi, it’s Greenygrey. The Australian weekend is well under way, and that means it’s time for another instalment of Oz’s favourite Great Novel comedy-fantasy travel quest, all in the best possible taste. Here you are then, you lucky possums. Not yet, Dame Edna!
20. MEERKATS-MONOTHEISTS MIX MAKES MAD MORNING
I had just about absorbed all that information, when another human dropped from the sky in a Porcelain pod. I hoped it wasn’t more trouble; I’d had enough for one day!
The human burst out singing: ‘Hallelujah, I am Mildly Monotheistic Moby (MiMo Moby), and I’m Feeling So Real. I know Everything Was Wrong Here, but now that the Sky Has Broken and the Grey descended, the Monotonous Monotheists must Go, and matters return to magic for the meerkats of Meekatharra.’
When I heard him say Monotonous Monotheists in the plural my heart sank; either he’d messed up his lines or there was more than one.
It wasn’t long before my fears were realised. I heard a monotonous murmuring sound coming from somewhere, and it grew louder with every second. The meerkats dived for cover, and Bonzo covered his ears. When the orator came into view I saw it looked like the human I’d landed on. It approached us.
‘Ah, Monotonous Monotheist of the East (MoMo East), I thought you might arrive soon,’ said MiMo Moby.
So there was another one; my heart sank deeper than before. The meerkats were nowhere to be seen, and Bonzo belted out the blues.
‘Aah, hah,’ MoMo East ranted, ‘you might have stopped my Western twin from controlling your lives, but I am the stronger of the two, and I will wreak rampant revenge upon your sinning souls, just you wait and see, aah, hah!’
As it stopped cackling it sprang towards its twin’s head, but MiMo Moby somehow transported an emerald cork hat from the MoMo West’s head onto my bonce before the MoMo East could reach it.
MoMo East turned with a look of hellfire on its face.
MiMo Moby took no pity, shouting, ‘Go, you have no power in Meekatharra.’
MoMo East cackled out another rant and repeated the threat before vanishing as quickly as it had appeared.
Before also leaving, MiMo congratulated the meerkats on their liberation, and told Bonzo and me, ‘You have done a good deed here today, and should now follow the dust sandy path. The path will be difficult, and full of tests, but will ultimately lead you to the Great Dame of Oz. She should help you complete your epic rambling quest. Take great care of the hat, as it is very precious and has magical powers that will be useful on the dust sandy path. It must not fall into the wrong hands. Let it rest peacefully on your bonce, for there is more than you can imagine resting on it.’
Cork hats are traditional Aussie bush headgear.
bonce – slang for head.
Moby and songs: Porcelain, Hallelujah, Feeling So Real, Everything Is Wrong, Sky Has Broken, Go. Wicked Witch of the East (character in Wizard of Oz).
Hi, it’s Grey. My 140th of 142 Werewolf of Oz blogs has just arrived in the Greenygrey world, so I thought I’d post it here straight away, as it’s quite big, it’s getting so exciting and there’s not much left to wait for. But that’s not to say there’s nothing left to wait for. Do you remember the commotion in the Tasman Sea I kept seeing and hearing. Well, I found out about that before I left Oz…
Here’s the latest episode, which perked up our spirits after the Great Dame didn’t deliver.
Moby tells it as it is, Which is…
We were about to leave, when a porcelain pod came around the corner, and MiMo Moby emerged from it. We were ecstatic, and greeted him with gusto; he seemed equally pleased to see us.
I told him the Dame had been a disappointment, so Angry, Cathy and Elle were uncertain of their future in Oz, and I didn’t know if I could return to the Greenygrey world.
Moby Pep Talk
MiMo looked at us all, and then back at Elle, before saying, ‘Why, Elle had body issues when she joined you; she had lost all her strength. But she has been using her body with great dexterity throughout the Ozyssey, and now has her confidence back.’
I had to agree. Elle leapt into the air with joy.
‘And Angry was letting the Neighbours’ opinions of his mind get to him; making him feel inadequate. But he has been using fantastic judgement all through the epic adventure, and working well within your travel team.’
Once more, I had to agree. Angry sang a celebratory tune he spontaneously created.
‘And Cathy was in low spirits when you met; but freedom, movement, natural space, friendship, being valued and success have helped lift her spirits since joining your epic adventure; and also raised yours at crucial times in this rousing ramble.’
Yet again, I had to agree. Cathy saluted the sun.
‘And you, Grey, you have reached your destination, and helped bring the hats of hope home to Emerald. Deep down you know you have the power to return to Green whenever you want. The Greenygrey world is free again; as free as Emerald.’
I thanked MiMo Moby for everything, and we all said hearty farewells before he disappeared around the corner in his porcelain pod. Not long after, Brian arrived from the same direction.
Hi, it’s Grey. My blog about when we met up with the Great Dame of Oz has just simultaneously arrived in my Oz blog and into the Greenygrey world, so I thought I’d post it here straight away; I’m that excited! It’s blog 139 of 142, so only three more to go…Barry Humphries’s Dame Edna Everage Image by James Cridland via Flickr
After it settled down in Emerald I asked Emily if she remembered what MiMo Moby said back in Meekatharra many moons ago; about a Great Dame of Oz at the end of the dust sandy path who could reunite me with Green once again.
Emily said she did remember, and knew exactly what MiMo had meant; she would take us to meet the Dame straight away.
It wasn’t far away; just a couple of blocks to a big mansion in the centre of Emerald. Emily knocked on the door with one of her corks. It wasn’t long before a large grumpy man answered it.
He bellowed, ‘What do you want?’ at us in a rude manner.
‘Ah, hello,’ said Emily, ‘MiMo Moby told this werewolf friend of mine that the Great Dame of Oz should be able to help it. Is she here?’
The man did not seem impressed, but said he’d see if she was around.
The Great Dame of Oz
A woman arrived a few minutes later; she looked like she could be the sister of the man… or even the same person!
‘Hello possums,’ she said, ‘what can I do for you?’
I told her about my conversation with MiMo Moby, and said we were all still quite lost, despite learning a lot on our epic Ozyssey.
She said she’d love to help, and used to do such things, but she was too busy now that she’d become an international giga-star.
Body, Mind and Spirit Work Together Again
I looked at my travel companions; they seemed to share my disappointment. I wondered if my epic ramble had reached an anti-climactic dead-end, and I would never see Green and the Greenygrey world again.
I was about to suggest leaving, when Cathy spoke up in a spirited way, telling the Dame that that was no way to talk to us. Angry seemed to have been thinking about it as well, because he soon added, ‘You’re not even really the Dame, you were a rude man when you answered the door just now.’ Then Elle used her body to great effect by slamming the door shut.
Today, fmpoetry is delighted to present a Marc Latham poem that appeared in the fresh off the press final instalment of Wendy Webb’s mermaid saga, Mermaids Off Cromer Pier and Other Poems.
Thanks to Wendy for accepting the poem into the book, and Happy Valentine’s to all the diamond mermaids out there…
The Diamond Mermaid
setting sail from pungent ports
sailors voyaged day and night
navigating sea by stars
enduring searing sun and sleeting snow
Inuit, Viking, Inca and Maori
seeking counsel with
nature’s wonder and only
angel high diamond low
marine life confidante
Flipper, Willy, Nemo and Moby
swimming tropical islands and arctic ice
using sonar and memory
mermaids sometimes swim with ships
when they smell something fishy
A Site for Reading and Publishing Folding Mirror and Related Poetry