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Amazon prime days

Amazon Prime Days today and tomorrow with a free month’s trial membership, so you can read XaW Files: Beyond Humanity for free online, if you like zany pagan theme comedy and poetry. Here’s one of 202 episodes, structured to the X-Files episodes, with the book a loose parody (focused more on the mind and coincidence than UFOs… unfortunately… some documentaries got me back interested in aliens soon after publishing!):

Chapter 8 Episode 6

‘greenY, I am Grendel, I think we must be related from sharing our first three letters.’

‘Werewolf who often wants to be a wolf, I am Beowulf. I think we must be related.’

Grendel Rings Our Bell

How did I become embroiled in a struggle between the main protagonist and antagonist of the oldest surviving Anglo-Saxon epic poem. Oh yes, it started because were (sic) in Denmark, and the saga is mainly set in that country, with Grendel having  attacked the mead hall in the Danish court of King Hroðgar

Then in the last episode of this epic tale we cracked open the mead! I should have known it would attract Grendel, what with this being an X Files parody, but a lot of mead has passed under the bridge since then, so I didn’t think it would create a row between Grendel and Beowulf. 

We had been enjoying ourselves, as described in the last episode, when there was a knock on the door. It was Grendel asking for a month’s supply of our mead:

‘They say mud sticks
and Mjød sure kicks
im-mead-iately a treat
smell that’s hard to beat
so sweet a taste
shouldn’t go to waste.’

Sitting on the Fence in Odense 

Grendel had just finished his soliloquy, when there was another knock on the door. Yes, you might have guessed, it was Beowulf. He delivered his opening line as written at the start of this episode, before asking that we hand Grendel over to him, as he is supposed to have been dead for many centuries.

I had just asked Chris and Mads for their advice, when there was another knock on the door. I opened it, and saw it was a woman who looked like an older Grendel.

‘Hello, I’m looking for my son,’ she said. ‘I followed a scent of mead here, and know he is only too fond of the sweet stuff. His name is Grendel, and I sense yours is greenY by your look; so you may be doubly interesting to him, because he thinks everybody that has a name like him is related.’

Just then there was a commotion inside, and when I looked behind myself, I could see Chris and Mads trying to separate Beowulf and Grendel, who had obviously started tussling. 

Norse God Not Happy with Noise

I was wondering what to do next when a thunderous voice spoke down to us, stopping the mortal enemies in their tracks. 

‘Oh what a din,’ said Odin. ‘Odense is supposed to be a quiet holy city for my worshippers, with the name deriving from Odins , meaning “Odin’s sanctuary”.

‘Hello Odin,’ I said. ‘Thanks for your help. I was wondering what to do with our visitors, and didn’t know Odense was named after you. I thought it looked more related to Denmark, but apparently that has a totally different etymological origin.’

‘I can handle my son myself thank you Odin,’ said Grendel’s mother. ‘As long as he hasn’t had any of that mead yet he should be fine once I get him out of the house, and back home.’

‘I think that is the best solution,’ Odin said. ‘Please allow Grendel’s mother access to your house greenY, and let her take Grendel home. Goodnight all, and hopefully I’ll be able to get my precious sleep now.’

‘Goodnight Odin,’ we replied.

So that’s what happened, with Grendel and his mother going home quietly; well, apart from her giving him a bit of a row and a clip around the ear as they walked down the street.

References

As told in the surviving epic poem, Beowulf was the son of Ecgtheow, a warrior of the Swedish Wægmundings. Ecgþeow had slain Heaðolaf, a man from another clan named the Wulfings (according to Scandinavian sources, they were the ruling dynasty of the Geatish petty kingdom of Östergötland). Apparently, because the victim was from a prominent family the weregild was set too high, and so Ecgþeow was banished and had to seek refuge among the Danes. The Danish king Hroðgar generously paid the weregild, and had Ecgþeow swear an oath.

Like our rambles, the story of Beowulf and Grendel is thought to contain some real people in a fictional story.

Body, Mind and Spirit Comedy

Hi, it’s Greenygrey. I hope you enjoyed the Bergen photos. While travelling can seem like living a fantasy, Werewolf of Oz: Fantasy Travel by Google Maps is really a fantasy travelling book. I’m sure you’ve all been trying to work out the answer to Holly Valance‘s bubble and squeak teaser; unless you already know it!; so I think it’s time to head down under to the Werewolf of Oz for some comedy satire.

Holly Valance Married Werewolf of Oz on Smashwords WOOZ COVER 4

I’m delighted to say that Werewolf of Oz: Fantasy Travel by Google Maps was published on Smashwords yesterday, so it’s available for lots more Ereaders now: 40% of the book is available to read for free.

It is still available from Amazon for paperback and kindle, with image and link at end of this post.

Holly Valance has married billionaire Nick Candy since we met her, so her life has run a pretty parallel course with Grey, who is of course reunited with Green.

Body, Mind and Spirit; and Quiet Hero

We wish Holly and Nick all the best for their marriage. While it was great to meet Holly in these episodes the main theme of this episode is the coming together of the team using the body, mind and spirit attributes they’d previously lost confidence in; as the Lion, Tinman and Scarecrow discovered they had all the courage, heart and brains they needed in the original Wizard of Oz.

And the quiet character coming good.

And no amount of additional ingredients could make Holly’s bubble and squeak smell any tastier than that day we met her on the outskirts of Gillian Taylforth… or was it Mel something.

77.  BODY, MIND AND SPIRIT… AND BONZ THINK of MELBOURNE

Tension
is no fun
when bubble
and squeak
free to dine
is on the line.

The Mind

Angry Anderson "Rose Tattoo"
Angry Anderson “Rose Tattoo” (Photo credit: Rossco ( Image Focus Australia ))

We tried to think how the name Gillian Taylforth was connected to Mel Gibson, but couldn’t work out any significant associations. Then Angry suggested the city might have another name.

I thought that might not be as crazy as it first sounded.

The Spirit

Ben racing Cathy Freeman
Ben racing Cathy Freeman (Photo credit: travelskerricks)

I remembered then that I had indeed renamed it before we arrived, but couldn’t for the life of me recall another name for it.

I felt dejected, but then Cathy gave a pep talk to raise our spirits, before offering to run back to the city to check the name.

I had renewed hope.

The Body

Elle Mcpherson
Elle Mcpherson (Photo credit: isriya)

Elle thanked Angry and Cathy, and said they’d done enough; she’d like to make a contribution and check the city’s name. So Elle rushed back to the city, and when she returned she said she’d seen a sign saying Welcome to Melbourne.

Yes, that was it; that was its name before I renamed it.

The Bonz

It had been an outstanding team effort; utilising body, mind and spirit in the nick of time. I thanked them all. I wondered if their efforts had also answered the second question, because Melbourne sounded like it could well have been named after Mel Gibson.

Bon Scott
Cover of Bon Scott

I put this to the team, hoping Angry would continue his good mind form. But before Angry could say a word, Bonzo piped up, ‘Oh, Melbourne, that’s easy, I grew up here. No, it wasn’t named after Mel Gibson, it was after that pommie guy, William Lamb – 2nd Viscount Melbourne. Mel Gibson was in fact born in New York.’

We all looked at Bonzo in amazement, before giving him a big hug.

The Tucker

We gave the answers to Holly Valance, and she said:
‘You had your chance
and now you can hanch
on my best and scrumptious
bubble and squeak.’

We tucked in.

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Notes 

William Lamb, the 2nd Viscount Melbourne, was Queen Victoria’s first Prime-Minister, and lived between 1779-1848.
pommie – Aussie slang for a Briton.

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werewolf of oz book cover

 

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